oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Just woke up bloody and clutching a rear view mirror I'm pretty sure is from my car. For those of you keeping score at home this is why I stopped drinking four loko.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
Randomize
