I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
you convinced the bartender to un-cut you off by letting him touch your boobs whenever you ordered a drink.
Is it rude if I ask the current tenets of our future apartment if I can come and blackout for a night? I want stupendously drunk me to get a feel for the place so he's comfortable when we move in.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I screenshoted his dick pic the other day because it literally looked like a brontosaurus. Like that really tall dinosaur that eats grass. Like I wanna draw a face on it.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
Randomize
