I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
you started puking right when a nickelback song came on..it was epic
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Homeboy was juggling while taking bong rips. Of course he got laid.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
It's like I'm getting a welcome home parade with sex!
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
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