Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
The door opens out but somehow she managed to kick it in..
You know you gotta reevaluate your life when the first thought that comes to mind after you wake up is 'at least I'm still alive'
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
Well I walked the wrong way for a little bit and I don't remember if I fell asleep or not but I definitely laid down under the over pass for a while
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Of course, it's a law of friendship. "Thy friend Shalt always hold hatred for thine friend's swinish ex"
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
Randomize
