Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
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