i threw up in over 4 different places last night. it was like a world tour
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
It's a little hazey but I think I tried to request Nelly last night. There was no dj. Not sure who I was talking to
I have chicken nuggets, lube and brand new batteries, he can stay at work charting all weekend for all I care, I'm set.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I don't singlehandedly make your gf realize she needs to straighten the fuck up or ruin your relationship before I leave I have failed you as a friend.
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
He is saved in her phone as Sir. Mindfuck <3/ vag cleaner of course I need to meet him.
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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