u know ur drinking tonight lol i dont know why you try to deny it
but i dont wanna get emotional and drunk text
then give me ur phone
NEVER!!
I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
i kind of just want to tell my cleaning lady I'm an alcoholic so it's not awkward when I stumble out of my room to go sit in my car for 2 hours and wait for her to finish cleaning the several empty bottles of wine in my room
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Oh you know, sitting here in my bathing suit watching antiques road show and petting the cat. Just the usual
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
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