So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
This is the guy who showed up to the first day of class with a 24 pack of coke and a handle of rum in his backpack. He doesnt play by normal people rules.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
I'm so tired I just poured monster in my coffee.
And it tastes incredible.
And I have chest pains.
If you go to Tinseltown tonight. First bathroom on the left, second stall. Avoid. It's still coming to terms with what I did to it.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
Was just trying to have a normal "I fucked you without a condom" adult conversation and she flipped
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Yeah totally passed out in their trash can last night.
Randomize
