i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
My life has hit rock bottom, I'm watching a movie on lifetime about retarded people falling in love. And I'm jealous of their relationship.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
We discussed how many times we've passed out during sex. The answers may shock you.
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It all started with a game of naked twister.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
Randomize
