just went trash diving in my work clothes for weed. A&E's intervention here i come.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
i'm not sure when it happened but apparently now it's topless bar night, im wearing a leotard and everyone is looking at me like i'm cheating.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
Side note, from now on any snap chat I get that isn't interesting enough... Is getting a dick in response. Judge your snaps accordingly
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
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