I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
Everyone in the office is in total denial. I asked my boss what he did this weekend and he said "nothing much." But I know we were both thinking about the orgy.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
