Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've slowly been stuffing french fries down his pants. I'm at 31 and he hasn't even noticed.
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize
