can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
that's the last time we turn jepordy into a drinking game.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
Just slept with my boyfriend's roomie to learn if bf was cheating on me
Good plan. When in doubt, sleep about.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
We smoked speed and opium for the first time. ended up harvesting cucumbers with locals at 9am in a farmers field. Laos is fuckin crazy.
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
So will your sis find it a compliment if I tell her I lost out on some awesome dick to go to her bday dinner???
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize