Would you rather have a 10 inch but pencil thin penis or a 2 inch very fat one?
Fat, it's not about touching the bottom it's about raising hell of the sides.
I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
yep. it's official. for $40 they will let you lick the stripper pole.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Randomize
