i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
No you are right. With a nickname like Monster Cock, you shouldn't expect him to want to "just talk". I'd be insulted too
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
Not genetic. He's drunk and texted me a dick pic. Not genetic. Thank God!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
Wine through a straw in a subway cup.....classy
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