there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
John Mayer's mother should have swallowed him when she had the chance.
As in blowjob or cannibalism?
I was thinking blowjob, but either would've been a better idea than giving him a record deal.
i think i just heard my dad finish in the other room...
And then he came out of the bathroom in a kimono
People were stuck in the elevator screaming and freaking out. I banged on the door and yelled, "fire depart!" They got excited and then I ran away. lolz
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
Just sucked my third dick in the past twelve hours. I must want AIDS.
Old lady caught me peeing in the street and yelled at me and said "I REBUKE YOU"
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
