It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
He gave me his number and said the usual call whenever you need someone but then was like... or just call me.
You would pick up a guy in AA.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I think I kinda scared him when I tried to wrap his snake around his dick while he was trying to nap.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
