I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
She's more than welcome to come too, so long as she has gotten over that me being responsible for the death of her cat thing.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dude how did you get resin on my keyboard?
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
In my top drawer right now, there are see's chocolates, condoms, weed, and my vibrator. One way or another, this is going to be a good night
How can I prove that I give 401k advice and not handjobs?
I seriously just had to blow dry my thong.
Randomize
