Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
I don't think we should have started that trash fire
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
just had to sit in the middle of an aisle in stop and shop because we're too hungover and needed to take a break.
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
I'm glad we're going to catch up. too bad it's over my vagina.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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