I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
We smoked with this guy who looked just like Hyde from that 70's show in an alley. It was a divine moment in my life.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
The lady in the stall next to me just screamed "why are you so hairy!?" and "why can't you get any!?" to her vagina. WTF
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