Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Have you been tested recently?
Well I got my shots when I was a baby so I think I'm immune
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
hey did i steal that bike before or after the ball dropped, casue i might have broken my resolution already
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I have nothing to say other than the obvious 'we probably shouldn't have done that' and the less obvious 'i think you bruised my labia major' ...?
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
Randomize
