She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
i dont think my parents would of encouraged me to save years of birthday money if they knew what i would eventually spend it on
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The hot guy sitting next to me in the lib is reading a book called "Impersonal sex in public places." How wrong would it be to give him my number when I bounce?
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
I mean, I'm not upset that HE's getting married, I'm upset his penis has to go through with it by default
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Verdict: uncircumcised.
Randomize
