The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
he was so excited that he found the elusive clitoris. i was like look christopher colombus, just because you found it doesnt mean you knew what to do with it
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
The highlight of my night was definitely explaining the bandaid on my nipple.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
Thanks for the hickies, asshole. I make my living as a fitness instructor. It's gonna look reeeeeeal weird if I have to wear a scarf while teaching Zumba all week.
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
U dont jog and buy condoms n bulk
Randomize
