im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
You kept telling everyone that you were as sober as a camel. I have yet to figure out what that means
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