Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your first words after putting out the flames, "how am I supposed to eat girls out with my top lip burned off??"
Yeah no more flaming everclear shots.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
He's on the porch naked. Help.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
