There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
Ugh. I just found a cum stain on my mermaid pants. Now I can't return them.
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
