My Higher Power is John Stamos
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Lady came into work yesterday. Full on stache and beard. I've never concentrated on making eye contact harder in my life.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
a guy from my religion class just walked in with a red cup. hello first friday of 2nd semester.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
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