Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
I'm the kind of girl who misses her mouth when trying to eat, do you honestly think I'm coordinated enough to wear heels during sex?
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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