don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
I like to melt taper candles in my wine bottles the next day, it makes my drinking trophies more classy, and makes me look like less of an alcoholic.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
We made a pact to go to the nursing home together... that way we could stay high till the bitter end. Do you not remember?
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
I have no idea what happened last night but I sobered up whilst showering with a mop.
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