i guess that's what happens when you find your girlfriend at the zoo
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
My niece just threw up all over me. My sister's breastmilk was on my face. This is like a fucked-up porno gone terribly wrong.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
We just taught the Brazilian how to smoke out of a vuvuzela.
TGIFridays...stall number 1...drunk...send help
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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