perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
He had the same tone in his voice and look in his eyes that he gets when he says UFOs aren't real.
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
We just FaceTimed and I put an Oreo in my vagina for him. Now he has to fly across the globe for me.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
