I just made out with a guy for $7.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
I should work for the FBI. Or planned parenthood.
That's quite a broad spectrum. What did you do?
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
It's astonishing how many Ludacris lyrics you know
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
