How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
No stitches, just platelets and will power
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I'd give my left nut to see you
don't do that. I like the set
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Hypothetically speaking, what is the proper response if one gets bitten by a most likely not rabid squirrel? Hypothetically.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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