I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
We're following a guy carrying a door for beer pong at his place..join us when you are deemed sober enough to leave the hospital.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
I'm gonna have to shit in a bar again tonight
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
I love that they love me even though I might not exsist, its kinda like Im God.
Randomize