I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Im interpreting your silence as a silent plea for me to come wake you up. See you soon.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
One small step for man, one big gay fierce leap for gays!
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
Randomize
