Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
i dont care if i had to wear a dress to fuck her, she was super hot and i stand by my decision
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
Using a 12 year old as a wingman. Does that make me a bad person?
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Im legit just salty with everyone who has a penis right now
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
One of my nipples looks nothing like the other...i don't know how this happened
Randomize