dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
The whole movie was ruined when some chick started laughing with what you could tell was QUITE the mouthful. This of course made the guy laugh harder.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
I would have cried, probably tears of wine, but cried nonetheless.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
The fact that it was "anything but a cup" now explains the cowboy boots and fishbowl aftermath at the apartment.
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Randomize