A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
Better than last year. I didn't wake up to an after thanksgiving human shit on my living room floor. I think it's a sign I'm growing up at almost 30.
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I don't need a lecture. I'm 41. I know I'm an idiot.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
