You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
the best days in LIFE are when you realize you arent pregnant
It was like what a highfive between zeus and Jesus would sound like
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I voted for him because his wife supports his raging sex life.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
Haven't sucked a dick since mid December. In crisis mode.
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
Randomize