omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
whenever music plays i find myself always doing kegels to the beat. its like the new foot-tapping
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
this night may include but is not limited to : police encounters, wild animals, stomach pumping, and waking up in a field
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
