Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i was blowing him and "what if god was one of us" came on his playlist. I had to leave
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
She greeted me with a new giants jersey and an opening day blowjob. this is true love.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
People will say "JOE YOU MUST TURN DOWN" and I will refuse, in the name of liberty.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
Also, in case they didn’t tell you… there is a chicken living in your old room… so I would assume cleaning that is now on them
Randomize