im proctoring the SATs right now and im still drunk from last night. i really wanna tell these kids that this fucking test doest mean shit and they will just be constantly drunk once in college.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
A penis isn't a time share. I want to own not rent.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
Full body rubs, head scratches, foot rubs, massages, a penis that is able to get hard whenever you want it. I mean ive got a lot to offer
I don't wanna be 33 that's when Jesus died
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