Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
Okay I'm all about any plan that ends with "We're gonna get you drunk."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
I take back everything I said about communal showers
now I know why they wanted me to come. apparently gay guys are stripper magnets
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Just visited the liquor store.... for the 4th time today. shits gonna get weird
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
I woke up to him peeing by our bedroom door. I yelled at him to go to the bathroom and he just kept peeing while he walked there. This is a new low.
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
I finally broke my dry spell. I did it. D-do-da-Dora.
I found a 9 minute video on my phone of you singing into an eggplant.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
Randomize
