I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
started to yawn and threw up hamburger helper instead. awesome night.
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
But the real question is how many people didn't see my dick last night?
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
