maybe all of them together would equal one normal sized dick.
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
she has a fucking refrigerator full of four loko and is charging 15 dollars a can.... she is like a mini donald trump
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
I think the main reason you were throwing up so much was the quart of soap you chugged trying to burp bubbles. you came close
No, but its not like diarrhea. i swear its like my intestines had a secret bank account and i just punched in the right pin.
Smoked a topless bowl this morning. For International Women's Day. Quite liberating.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
Note to self: trying to grow pubes back = worst decision of 2014 thus far
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
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