those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
You thought that you were playing full contact and started screaming "I will fucking end you! I will end you!" and tried tackling everyone in the room.
Is it possible to sluttify a hobbit costume? Cause if so, this will be my biggest accomplishment.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
Randomize
