Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Okay. How did someone manage to piss on TOP of a urinal? What giant is roaming around with a prick five feet from the ground?
Sweating vodka and spray tan, I feel like a trophy wife.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
dont know if she was trying to start a lawnmower or jerk me off. still wasnt to bad though
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
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