what if I'm pregnant?
smusmorshion
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Congratulations, you fucked a nickle into me.
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He said the last thing he remembered thinking was: 'Why is this vagina spinning?' Too drunk sex is no ones friend.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
Randomize
