and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
walking on gravel proved too much for her barefeet so she traded her bra for some guys sneakers.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
A picture just appeared on facebook. I am puking in the toilet, you are next to me puking in the sink. I think we have our christmas card.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Bro you fell face first into the sand and then balled up into the fetal position and yelled help untill I picked you up, no more whiskey for you...
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
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