i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
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