HE had a tribal tattoo tramp stamp, jasmine.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
Just made a drug deal by throwing my money to my dealers window and receiving weed the same way. We are the definition of typical lazy stoners.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
he's gonorrhea incarnate
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
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