WHY CAN'T YOU EVER SHIT LIKE A NORMAL PERSON, JESSE.
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
the boys love us. they call us "the stoner girl suite down the hall". not very inspired, but flattering nonetheless
I think a kid would responsible me up
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
Visibly drunk girl eating alone at a souplantation just spilled salad all over her body. It was me
You know you're drunk when you're apologizing for your asshole at 4am to the toilet. Eat shit habanero bbq sauce, you've ruined my life.
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Got caught peeing in public. Sucks. It was a police station. Sucks worse.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
