Sry I called you an 8
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
I feel a whole lot better than i did this morning at 3 when one of my roommates discovered me slightly aware of my surroundings and naked in the bath tub with the shower on
maby next time we don't finish the whole box wine just because it tastes like shit
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
He handed me a temporary tattoo and said cover the hickey up with this
Sorry man, but I'd rather do drugs with strangers than watch sports with you. It's not personal, drugs always beat sports.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
Randomize
