i miss you and i wish you were peeing between my legs right now. in a platonic way
Sam Adams makes it so easy to keep track of the seasons.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
you're the only person i know to use "jizz" and "cute" in the same sentence.
The maintenance guy at work just asked me out for a drink. For once, I proudly said that I was 20.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Dude if her licking my face hammered isn't love I don't really want to know what love is.
Thats Poetry
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
we had a full conversation and he only brought up drugs twice. overall I'd call it a success
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
hey, cheif big dick, where the fuck are my panties.
Randomize