Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
If you think im a hippy you should see these girls. They would scissor mother nature if they had the chance.
hey everyone... booty call? my house tonight. bring friends to fuck my friends.
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Dude, I'm importing a boy from Oklahoma for my divorce party. It's like doctors without borders, but with dicks.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
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