3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Leaving the puke on the ceiling as a reminder.
I should stop pointing to my vagina when I say "I'm in charge!"
Randomize
