Running into every girl no one would hook up with here at rick's. Typical.
dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Have fun in Vegas! Be safe, use condoms, and take a pic of Jon beforehand to give out when he goes missing. It will help the police.
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
i hooked up with all four beatles on halloween get on my level
Randomize
