Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
Went to mcdonalds... Wishing I could throw up the last 20 hours of my life.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
My teachers should feel privileged to see me this morning, after the amount of alcohol I consumed last night.
he thought he was parachuting out of a plane... talk about a bad trip.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
He has horses apparently. I wonder if we could fuck while riding a horse or if that's too dangerous.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
We celebrated International Women's Day by spending $700 and taking our tops off at the strip club
The boys offered to pay but we went halfs because we're feminists
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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