The worst thing that has ever happened to me happened today. I was taking donations at goodwill and someone donated a clearly used vibrator
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
We're doing kegstands for my 80th Bday, so don't lose that muscle tone.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
When you're a bigshot ER surgeon and I'm a starving artist, I want you to remember who held your hair last night.
It's Reggie from Taco Bell, send me a pic.
The CEO is on this whole 'what do you do with your spare time?' kick. Umm... get drunk and have sex in bar parking lots.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dog. I woke up between my ex boyfriend witch i'm currently fucking and his bestfriend spooning me in MY bestfriends empty powerless house still really fucked up. No one knows what happend.
Is texting an old booty call with "can you still get your ankles behind your ears?" an appropriate way to reemerge into the singles scene???
Randomize
