At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
When I stretch out her lips her vagina looks like a dolphin...this birthmark is awesome
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you're just mad cause i madeout with you while having a mouth full of chewed pretzels
You've had your dick in my mouth. I don't think there are all that many barriers in our friendship at this point.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
