whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Nyquil jello-shots aiding in health and happiness
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
it felt like i was a kid in an empty playground. i fucked him on every piece of furniture in the house and then when his housemates showed up i was naked in his bed like i'd been there all along.
Do you think the neighbors will know I was the one giving out the penis shaped lollipops to the children?
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
Your mother may get texts again about women putting dog food up their vaginas and asking for it to be licked.
He asked if I had any questions. Apparently, "how thick is the stick up your ass" was not a correct question.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
