Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
It's 5:30am in Vegas and I'm eating McDondalds next to crying prostitutes.....low point.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
how is it I left wearing underwear then ended up with none? and why is it they are on you?
Randomize
