____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
and i think we compared dick sizes, then high fived...
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
There's a person in my phone named motor boat. I love making new friends.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
At one point during xmas dinner my whole family was double fisting. It was like thats how I learned to drink moment
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
