i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I can't believe I wasted a google wave invite on her.
I think she's a little more wasted than usual. She just crawled on the floor to tell mom it was time to take a shot.
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I already ran out of vodka but I have more beer. I just ran naked into the high school party down the street as took all theirs. ...figured no one wants to tackle the naked guy..
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
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