Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
an unopened bag of salt and vinegar chips... probably the best thing I've ever found in my room while high.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I just sucked dick on a ferry
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Coworker just walked in thirty minutes late reeking like weed and clutching a handful of scratch-off tickets. Also, there’s still a stripper pole in my office. Happy Wednesday!
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