Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
dude you were so wasted last night you ate a sandwich made out of tomatos, cheese, doritos, salt & pepper. Then you heated it in the micro for 5 min to melt the cheese.
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
oh, you know. just sitting in my bed high as fuck wearing a windbreaker and watching british tv.
I want to let you in on my two latest life goals. Have a photograph of me squirting whipped cream into a midget's mouth, and have sex on a roof.
i'm calling it my monica lewinsky shirt now. may it live forever in infamy.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
Dude they are making elephants out of dollar bills. I'm way too high for this
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
She pregamed while taking a shower. Came out clean and drunk.
Randomize
