her fupa was seducing me. this is the last time i'm doing shrooms.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
I know. he thinks we're 'meant to be'. No we're fucking not. God wouldn't give my soulmate a pencil dick.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
yea so the plan to relive our college glory days was great and all but ending up in the er with alcohol poisoning was crossing the line
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize