I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I don't understand how people can have that much vomit in them
i opened her purse and found 4 bottles of vodka tampons and an unopened box of birth control...
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
I'm going to go out on a limb and say last night was a success, also the neighbors are counting down the days until we move out.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
just realized we fucked to the ultimate disney playlist last night. hakuna matata.
Randomize
