The walk of shame is far, far worse on crutches.
I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
And now I have fucked a local celebrity so double free drinks at bars.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
It's like fucking tetris in this bed
He made me chicken tenders and margaritas in preparation for me to take a pregnancy test at his place later tonight. Like...seriously.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
